virgin suicides


my four year LJ hiatus was broken.

i've moved. i'm in a new relationship (if by "new" you mean almost 2 years?). i'm starting my dream job in a week. i'm a poetry/prose editor for a literary journal. i'm doing book reviews for a school librarian association. i'm looking at publishing major research about school libraries in america's charter schools.

it all looks so much more impressive than it feels.
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virgin suicides

jumbled thoughts:

i'm currently sitting in a warm teacher's office at my high school, watching a boy student struggle while planking outside of the classroom (a punishment for boys who are misbehaving/sleeping in class). he's sliding on the tile floor, trying to keep his balance, but is failing miserably... and every few seconds he leans up to wipe his hands on the back of his pants leg.

this is my last friday at this school, the last time that i will witness the boys running up and down the halls like idiots, last time the girls will come and talk to me during their break time.

i cannot believe an entire life of my year is over, and that it is so incredibly full of memories. my head is brimming over with crazy moments and beautiful moments and all kinds of moments that don't even have a classification...

and this time next week, i will be leaving bangkok on an overnight train to chiang mai, where i will stand next to towering elephants and bathe them...

and in 19 days, i will be home again. i will be with the people i love... and yet something feels like it is missing. i'm fully aware that when i go home, people will not understand. they won't understand that 1) i have changed (significantly) or 2). that there are certain moments of my life in korea that cannot be explained with words alone.

in short, i'm terrified: terrified of leaving the comforts of my korean home, terrified of experiencing culture shock in my home country, terrified of not being satisfied with the life i have there.

above all, though, i'm hoping all of this excess feeling is just normal and part of the process.

all of my friends in one picture.